A series of events and the 4th Trimester

18/08/18 2am

Two days prior I had some brown discharge and crampy-pseudo contractions going on so I was pretty sure that labour was coming. Just slightly after midnight on 18th, I went to the toilet because I felt liquid soaking up my pantyliner with some slight contractions and totally started panicking.

We drove down to the hospital straightaway and got me admitted. But the nurse came to check and she said that I’m barely dilated and the liquid wasn’t from the water bag. It was just the mucus plug. Meh. So she said we could either wait in the labour ward or go home and wait. I decided to wait at home because who knows how long it’ll take.

Big mistake.

18/08/18 3.30am

Contractions started coming on fast and furious. I was having one every 4 minutes and it hurt the bejeezus out of me. I managed to tolerate the pain until about 5.30am and J decided that we should go to the hospital. By then the pain was still manageable and they started me on laughing gas. I was only 1cm dilated.

Side note: nobody told me that checking for dilation was such a traumatic thing?! I was extremely traumatised by it and it hurt a hell lot. 😭

By 7ish in the morning the contractions were unbearably painful already, the laughing gas did shit to ease the pain and I was ready for my epidural. But J said it might be too early to get one – and for some reason I let him convince me to delay it.

What a fool I am. I was literally whizzing in pain, the laughing gas no longer had any effect at all and I was dying. I insisted on the epidural and he gave in.

When the anaesthetist came in, it was like seeing an angel walk through the door. My saviour! What’s an epidural needle compared to the horrible, horrible contraction pain! I barely felt it going in. All I could think about was the sweet relief I’m going to feel.

And boy did it feel good. By 9ish 10am, I was blissfully drugged out on the epidural and even managed to sleep for a bit. By the time my gynae came to see me I was 3cm dilated and he instructed the nurses to start me on oxytocin to hasten the dilation.

18/08/18 – 1pm

The nurse came into check on my dilation and told me I should get ready to push. What?! I’m not prepared?! But she said I was ready. So I did. And before the hour was over, I was mom to a sweet little chubby healthy princess.

But I must have tore my way through the labour because boy were there many stitches. πŸ˜” I kept seeing the suture go in and out, up and down, I lost count.

I asked if the tears were bad, but all I got was “it’s normal, don’t worry about it” which made me even more worried.

The Aftermath

We were wheeled to my room and I was still relatively pain-free from the epidural. But it got worst. The first trip to the toilet was pure torture.

It hurt so much down there and I couldn’t see the stitches (though I didn’t really want to see it anyway) so I didn’t know what i was cleaning πŸ˜”.

I had to wear these super thick maternity loop pads that were super uncomfortable but they did the job. I was given an ice-pad to help sooth the pain down there. It only worked for 10 minutes πŸ™„ and after that it was just a regular pad again.

Then the sleepless nights started. Nurses would wheel Bean in every 2 hours for breastfeeding 😴.

Anyhoo I’m glad that Bean can latch on!

20/8 Discharge and Home we go!

Thankful for all the visitors who came by and for all the gifts 😊. It was daunting climbing up the stairs to our room! But we made it!

Ok I’m tired this turned out longer than I thought it’d be. Need to catch two winks!

39 weeks +

EDD is in 2 days.. Bean is still rather comfy in ma belly..

My friends who have later EDDs than I have already delivered. πŸ˜‚

Tomorrow is my last check up before my EDD and I’m a bit worried that my doctor will admit me straightaway tomorrow and try to induce. πŸ€·πŸ»β€β™€οΈ

I’m so scared of the pain, the tearing, the bleeding, the feeding, what if Bean doesn’t like me???

Ermergerd. Seriously η™Ύζ„ŸδΊ€ι›† now, I am scared, excited and worried at the same time.

Can’t believe that in abt 48 hours (probably) J and I are gonna be parents?!

That just freaks me out. Seems like just a while ago I became a wife and now I’m about to become a mother.

I’m so not ready for this. πŸ˜–

Impending..

As D-day (literally delivery day) closes in, I’m getting more and more panicky..

Am not sure if I’ll be happier she’s out (and be a poop machine / milk monster) or I’d rather she stay in (at least I still have some form of control over my life).

Hospital bag’s almost packed I think. Not sure if I should bring my own PJs – the packing lists I’ve been reading are mostly American or some angmoh countries and they probably have different practices in their hospitals. Maybe I’ll just pack a set.

Been discussing with J about how a couple’s values must be aligned in order for a marriage to work out.

Having kids and financial values are two of the most fundamental issues in a marriage, I think. I’ve seen marriages breakdown because of these and it’s sad that not more people talk about these before getting married.

Marriage is a lifelong commitment and so is having kids and your financial values. If you can’t come to an agreement / compromise over these 2 aspects then chances are the marriage is doomed to fail.

Although – financial values has a bit of a give – I guess if both are independent adults and are financially stable on their own then they can have individual ideas of how they want to spend / save their money and still put aside a shared household expense.

Just my 2 cents worth and random thoughts on this rainy Wednesday morning.

 

 

36 weeks

I can’t believe we are just probably 20 days away from seeing little Bean!

I’m scared about the labour.. what if i have no strength to push.. what if i tear πŸ˜–.. what if i poop while pushing (the embarrassment will follow me for life).. what if the pain is unbearable.. so many what ifs..

Bean’s 2.8kg last Thursday already, I hope she doesn’t get much heavier by this week, don’t be too big Bean, mommy can’t squeeze you out!

Her room’s nearly ready and I’m halfway packing my hospital bag!

Been quite crazy about embroidery lately after taking a class. It’s fun and therapeutic! Also takes my mind off the impending labour.

Just waiting for my stuff to arrive from Taobao! Ordered so many embroidery kits and floss hehe. I just need some ropes for my drawstring bags.

Also, the stretch marks have come in 😩 at 34 weeks. Very depressing cos I’d thought I was the lucky few to be spared the horrors of stretch marks. Guess not…

On the bright side I should be thankful that my nose is not red and swollen, water retention is minimal and I’m not fat?

Ok I accept the stretch marks.. badge of honour right? πŸ‘ŠπŸΌ

Humpty Dumpty

Getting heavier my belly.. I hope Bean is gaining enough weight! And that the weight gain is all going to her instead of me 😞.

Went to the baby fair on Friday and omg it reinforced why I hate going to such fairs. Am never a fan of such fairs – I didn’t attend any wedding fairs, furniture fairs, IT shows etc – because of the damn crowds.

I mean yes there are probably some good deals but seriously the crowd / parking situation just turns me off.

We just went there to collect our pre-ordered stuff (also long queue at the collection point πŸ™„) and got the hell out of there.

And I’m so heavy now I don’t even want to walk around much although I should.. walk around a bit.

Have to start washing her clothes in case she decides to come early!

Freaking out about this every single day ohmaigod.

Strange Dreams

I dreamt that I’d given birth to Bean, and I even saw her face (tho just a generic newborn baby face which I don’t really remember rn)! πŸ‘ΆπŸ»

And then i was breastfeeding, in my dreams it was like easy???? She could latch on and I could pump two bottles no problem. πŸ˜‚

But I also forgot to feed her in my dreams lol which was horrifying because how can forget to feed????

Anyway 6 weeks and counting… so scary…

Every night before I sleep I’m somehow overcome by waves of fear. Is that normal?

In less than 7 weeks our worlds will be turned upside down and revolve around a tiny pink human who does nothing but eat, sleep, poop and probably cry.

What if I don’t know what to do? What if I’m not a good mom? What if I can give her the edge in life? I don’t want her to struggle later on in life – in school, at work..

It’s all so scary.. I have no control and tbh no confidence at all.

Confinement nanny cancelled on me so I’ve decided to do without one. My MIL has very kindly and generously offered to help me.

Thank god for friends who work in hospitals, WP found me a childbirth education program, if not I honestly didn’t think I’d sign up for one.

For first time parents-to-be, whoever’s reading this, it’s worth your time to check out TMC’s Childbirth Education Class, there’s 4 lessons plus 1 doctor’s talk. You can register online here!

It won’t teach you how to be parents definitely but it’ll at least give you a glimpse of what to expect and what to do so that you don’t do in completely blind.

Nursery is 80% ready – chest of drawers is up! Majority of the stuff moved up (yay), now we just need to get the dresser out of the way.

Really hating the constipation situation rn argh.

I hope I don’t end up pooping while delivering her. πŸ˜₯